Gripes

In which the formerly infertile woman makes everyone want to kill her by griping about symptoms of pregnancy.

Which is awful. I know this. But seriously? I am so flipping miserable. I do feel incredibly lucky to be this miserable for this reason ...but miserable nonetheless.

I feel like I've got the worst possible ear infection because I'm constantly dizzy. I've become vegetarian because all meat is rotten flesh that tastes and smells vile. And the passing out count? Up to 6. Enough so that I have to have some stupid work up because they don't believe me when I tell them that I did this with the golden child and everything was fine. My body just does not care for pregnancy. I spent a total of about 3.5 hours out of bed yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to work this week if this continues. My standard dress for the last 3 days has been a nasty pair of old sweatpants and a batik/tye dye number that I wore when I was nine months pregnant ( 13 years ago)that I bought from my favorite vegetarian restaurant in Ann Arbor. Yep. All kinds of sexy. I'm not sure why Monk hasn't left me yet.

Now that I'm 10 weeks ...I'm feeling reflective. All of my losses have happened between weeks 10-14. So umm...scary times. But to be honest ...this pregnancy doesn't feel anything like the losses. I'm super sick. I have NO cramping at all ..none. Which feels strange for me. I didn't realize how much I had been cramping throughout the other pregnancies until it wasn't there. I've got to thank the progesterone ...but seriously? If all it took was a progesterone suppository a couple of times a day? I'm pissed about the other losses. I guess we'll see. I remember the golden child's first ultrasound ..and the sheer rush of adrenaline I felt after watching her bounce around inside me. I literally skipped out of the university of michigan hospital. Skipped. With this ultrasound, I was relieved ...but not overwhelmed with joy. Still sitting on pins and needles. Still fairly detached.

My medical assistant just found out that she's pregnant. She's literally the sweetest person that walked the face of the planet. She has a four year old that is so cute I couldn't be his mother. I think I might eat him or spoil him so much he'd be a serial killer. This pregnancy has allowed me to feel genuinely happy for her and excited ...and I'm not sure that would have been the case otherwise. But I constantly compare. She's 4 weeks pregnant - took the test at work on Tuesday - and already calling me to tell me about sales on summer maternity clothes ...and while I appreciate it? I'm umm...not quite thinking that far ahead. I miss the innocence.

We finally told my mom/siblings and Monk's family. My family was ecstatic. Monk's sibling's very congratulatory. Monk's mom? Umm...underwhelmed. Not sure what to think about that yet.