Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Diabetic Schmiabetic

I decided that I'm a pretty good nurse practitioner ...and a piss poor patient. I'm going to have to force myself to go get my labs done that were ordered well over 2 weeks ago. I'm forcing myself to make it happen tomorrow. If I thought there was a way for me to fake it ...I totally wouldn't go. I can't even tell you how much I'm dreading the 1 hour gestational screen glucose tolerance test. I *hate* insulin resistance and pcos. *hate* *hate* *hate* it. I have every intention of testing my blood sugar on my own before I go in and when I leave so that I know what the results are right away. I've been secretly plotting how to "fix" the results so they come out the right way. got it. Crazy girl is back. My ideas for fixing the results? Running up and down the stairs for the entire full hour. Hiding in the bathroom and doing an hour worth of squats, lunges, and running in place...sneaking in insulin and taking some just in case ..umm...yeah. That might be taking things too far.

Okay seriously. WTF is wrong with me? Obviously the rational part of my brain knows that if I'm diabetic I need to take care of it and want to know about it at the earliest possible time. I also know that chances are more than likely that I will be since I'm starting out with insulin resistance and have been on massive doses of progesterone which makes insulin resistance worse. I limit and count carbs. Sort of. Seriously??? Sort of??!?Unless the 2nd piece of pizza at lunch today is calling my name or something. It's pathetic. I think I'll go lick Monk's chocolate ice cream cone to make myself feel better about the whole thing.

The health care provider in me? Teaches diabetic education a full 10 hours per week. To umm...gestational diabetics. I'm not even kidding. I have a certification in advanced diabetic management at a master's level that took me a very long time to get. It was a bitch of a test. You kind of have to be pretty smart about all things diabetic to get it. Wanna schedule an appointment with me?

The wife in me? Would probably be murdered and stuffed into a random crawlspace if Monk ever read this. Because umm... Monk? Is a Type 1 diabetic. On an insulin pump. And checks his blood a bare minimum of 10 times per day. And gets harassed by his wife probably 2 hours a day because I want him to wear a continuous glucose monitor in addition to his pump. So I'm sensing I wouldn't get a lot of support about being a pansy about the 1 hour GTT. Just guessing. In truth? I'm embarrassed to even tell him that I have to have the stupid test. And I'm pretty sure that he doesn't even know that I'm taking Metformin. Or what Metformin is for.

I've gotta go. I need to go find a phone book to look up "Treatments for crazy girls". Think I'll have any luck?


April said...

girl....i'm just shaking my head. we are so alike.

you know you need to do it. and you need to do it properly! no cheating! do you want to have a 14 lb baby?

so, come on now, be a good girl. take the test. :)

Mermaid said...

I was operating (eating) under the assumption that the metformin was my get out of GD jail card. Um, I may be joining you in the glucose testing dread. Oops to me. But, you must go get it done! If I fail, I'm coming to you to teach me what there is to eat for a pregnant lady other than carbs.