Tuesday, December 30, 2008

More Sadness

Remember how I was jealous about my MA that was pregnant because she was so hopeful and buying maternity clothes and set the crib up when she was 5 weeks pregnant? And because she's the sweetest person on the face of the earth? She miscarried. On Christmas Day. About 2 hours before she had a big reveal planned for her entire family. She had an awful experience in the ER and no one was nice to her. I feel awful. Even more so because EVERYone at our office knows. She spends the majority of her day sitting at the front desk where she encounters about 25 drug reps per day. All of whom will probably ask her how she's feeling and what's going on with the baby. I cringe thinking about it. After my first loss, the front desk girls cut everyone off and let them know about the miscarriage and let them know not to say a word to me about it. Um....who's going to do that for her??? It breaks my heart really.

I've been thinking for a while that she and/or her husband have some type of infertility thing going on. She's 24 ..he's 25. They've been together since they were 14. They have never, never used any form of birth control. Ever. I was shocked when she told me that. This was her second pregnancy in 10 years of activity. Umm...at her age? That can't be right. I want to point her towards some sort of testing but how do you suggest that to someone? Hey? Have you ever thought that it's not normal that you haven't been pregnant 500 times by now??

Hello 2nd Trimester

I had my second OB appointment this morning. I was nervous, for a change. The friend/OB and all of her OB colleagues had this week off so the NPs and the CNM's were running the show. I originally scheduled the appointment with the friend/NP that I went to school with. She ended up calling in sick so they rolled me over to one of the other girls. Umm...if you're not familiar with nurses ....there are basically 2 different kinds. One is kind of old school. A nursey nurse if you will. Overly sweet, caring, touchy-feely, kinda frumpy, "yes, doctor" type. The other type ...kind of the "newer" school nurse ...usually much more assertive, empowering, ummm..hip? maybe. I don't know. I always think more educated but I'm not sure that's fair. I'm definitely not a nurseynurse. If you know what I mean. So anyway....I was somewhat surprised when the NP that walked in was very much a nursey nurse, older, hair in a million bobby pins ...and umm...wasn't incredibly informative. I labeled her before she really said 3 words if you want to know the truth. Her name is Myrtie. And umm...I couldn't get past that. Now I feel a little ass-like about that ....but such is life. I still hadn't gotten my lab results to find out whether or not they think I'm diabetic. She couldn't find them in the chart. Umm...huh? She looked for the heartbeat for about 3 seconds before she gave up. Umm..please. This early? You usually have to search around a little. My blood pressure was up again ...which freaks me out because I wasn't that nervous. She said it was "fine" ...and I said, "In what OB book?" Because I'm bitchy that way. I'll check it a couple of times a day and fax it to the friend/OB that actually has a clue.

Anyway ...she ended up doing a bedside ultrasound ...which was fine. The baby? Cracks me up already. It looks gigantic compared to the last time. GIGANTIC. It never stopped moving around the entire time ...flips, kicks, swimming, jumping. I've already pre-diagnosed it with ADHD. I'm kidding. It was very endearing. A little scary ..but very endearing. Heart rate is 165. Growth is a couple of days ahead. I officially gave up progesterone suppositories today.

The best part? I lost 7 pounds in the first trimester. I told you I was sick, dammit. Now if I could just keep up the stellar baby growth AND weight loss life would be perfect. Especially because I still don't have my lab results so I can still pretend in my mind that I'm not diabetic yet.

We have zero plans for new year's eve at this point ...the golden child has a sleep over so it'll be the two of us and the cocker spaniel. We must be like 80 or something. Happy New Year everyone!!!

Friday, December 26, 2008


Things went better than I had hoped. I didn't end up having to work on Christmas Eve because we didn't actually get called ...bizarre. Monk's family and my mom came over on Christmas Eve for dinner and it was actually pretty nice. Everyone brought a dish to pass ...Monk's mom brought the ham ...the kids exchanged gifts and all was fine. Everything was cleaned up, packed away, and Santa came and I was in bed by 11 p.m. No tears, even.

Christmas day the golden child woke us up at 7 am. She was beyond thrilled with her take. We spent way too much money on her..about the only thing she didn't get was a new snowboard but she'll have to buy that on her own. I logged in to the hospital to look at my census and lo and behold there are 8 new patients on the list. Umm..great. I immediately got super emotional and crabby thinking I was going to be at the hospital all day. I get there ....do the first consult and one of the neurologists in our call group is there happy as can be. He's Muslim and doesn't celebrate Christmas at all. I had asked both my boss and the office manager to call him and ask if he would mind taking call for us on Christmas Eve/Day. They both assured me they did and that he had declined. He came up and gave me a hug ...asked me how I was. I said that I was crabby because of being there on Christmas ...and he said, "You should have called!! I would have been more than happy to take these days for you! I am going to be here anyway!" I could have killed someone. Namely? My boss and office manager. I have literally been stressed out about being on call on Christmas since last January when the call schedule came out. I smiled and said thank you and then promptly prepared for ways to kill the people that I work with. I checked on the next 2 consults and both of them had been cancelled. So ...I got brave ...called my boss ..and told her that I was leaving for the day. I told her that because she chose to lie about not being able to find coverage for the holiday, I was choosing to spend the day with my family instead of her. She was surprised, I think, but said, "Okay...then I'll see you on Saturday?" Yep ..you will. I haven't talked to her since. It looks like she's getting slammed today ...so I'm sure I'll end up working two 16 hour days this weekend ...but such is life.

I got home ...we went to Monk's parents and exchanged gifts and had Christmas lunch. I'm pretty sure his mom was upset because literally EVERY single gift that she bought people is being returned. His family is actually pretty rude about it ....they just announce that they hate it and it's going back. I'd never buy another single thing for any of them if I were her. We left there, stopped at home to get the food to take to my mom's and drove out there. Exchanged gifts, had a late dinner, and came home. All in all ...I survived. None of it was as awful as what I had anticipated it would be.

In other news ...I seem to be suddenly sporting a baby bump. I'm sure that it's not noticeable to anyone but me, and even with me it's a bit of a stretch. Definitely in the morning when I'm laying down I can feel a lower abdominal fullness/firmness that I definitely can't attribute to the 30 day shred video. Clothes still fit fine. I think I'm pretty much in denial that this is actually happening. I can definitely feel the 2nd trimester approaching ....constant fatigue, dizziness, and nausea seem to be abating. Two more scary weeks to go. I promise to stay away from the pomegranate body wash if you guys promise to get me through the next couple of scary risky miscarriage weeks.


Here's to the New Year!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Grinch Stole My Christmas

Just to prove that I'm a psycho, I did actually squirt some pomegranate mango body wash into an empty clean tub to see what happens ...and ..voila ...instant blood clots. It's quite amazing how realistic it is, really. And that's coming from a former ICU nurse that spent a lot of 16 hour shifts in blood up to her elbows. Anyway.

I'm not feeling the Christmas season this year. I can't quite put my finger on why ...but all that I really feel is stressed. I'd much rather curl up in bed for the next few days and avoid everyone and the stress that comes with gift giving/receiving. Not very christian of me, I suppose ...but ...I'm just blah. I've actually never had to work on a Christmas and/or Christmas Eve before ..which is quite amazing considering how long I worked as a RN in a hospital. I'm not sure if it's that ...or being pregnant ....or missing my dad ...or the wretched cold/sinus infection that's taken over my head for the last week or what. I just find myself looking forward to January 2nd when everything is done and over with. Totally NOT like me in any way. I usually love Christmas. My parents always way outdid themselves for every holiday. I don't remember one that wasn't perfectly Norman Rockwellish, in fact. Always the perfect gift, the perfect attitude, decorations, food. Chestnuts roasting over an open fire, even. I really want that for the golden child as well....but I'm not sure that it's something you can fake. This year I feel like it'll be a miracle for me to drag myself out of bed and give a half-hearted "merry christmas ..there's your crap." She should be ecstatic with the presents she gets ...but she'd be happier if she had a happy mom.

I've spent the last couple of days wondering if I'm in some sort of weird pregnancy induced depression or what. I have the most exaggerated emotional responses to the silliest stuff. I was watching the today show the other day and they had a show on about bone marrow donation. Cute show ...cute family ...yeah two people saved the life of a child. Normally I might get a little teary over something like that. I actually sobbed on the couch for 20 minutes over it and was late to work because I couldn't get myself together. I just feel like I'm right on the edge all the time. Monk - who, by the way - has had the last 2 weeks off - asked me to help him wrap presents when I got home from work last night and I launched into a 20 minute tirade about how he sucks as a human being for asking ..because umm..I worked dammit and couldn't he tell that I would need an hour or so to chill out? He was like ..umm...back off, psycho. Which, was honestly probably a fairly legitimate response on his part but pissed me off more anyway.

Not a great Christmas post ...sorry. I'll do better next year. Hopefully even next week.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Moment of Terror

First ....Happy Birthday Monk!

I was in the bathtub yesterday morning and looked down between my legs to see pinkish/red clots floating in the water. At first, I saw 2 ...frantically started to look around ...and they were everywhere. I can't even describe the next five minutes except to say total panic. Eventually, I did some investigation. Umm...nothing coming from the baby maker that I could find. Maybe I cut my leg shaving? Ummm..no. What the hell? Got of the tub, crying, sure that I was losing the baby even though I couldn't find any direct evidence of that. Called for Monk ...asked him to investigate while I curled myself into a ball on the bed. I hear him start swearing ....look up ..

And he's holding a bottle of pomegranate-mango body wash that is umm...very pinkish/red ...that I was using to shave my legs.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Whole lot of failin' going on

I put my big girl panties on and went in for the stupid test. It was kinda crappy to tell you the truth. For some reason they made me drink 100 grams of sort of orange flavored syrup. I kept telling the woman it was only supposed to be 50 grams ...but she didn't believe me. Umm...I order the test all the time ...so I know. Whatev. I shut up and drank it. Spent the next 8 hours wanting to throw up...cause umm...I don't ever ..and I mean ever ...consume 100 grams of straight up glucose in 5 minutes. My blood sugar going in to the test was 74. Fairly respectable. I checked it about 45 minutes in to see if I was going to have to go outside and run a mile or something and it was 122. Hmm..fairly respectable considering the double carb load for a 1 hour test. Went in ..had the blood drawn. Went to my car ..checked my blood again ..132. Dammit. 130 is the cut off. I got pissed and went to taco bell and ate 2 burritos. Probably about another 100 carbs worth. Because I'm that smart. Anyway. My blood sugar an hour after that was 86 ..so I would pass a 2 or 3 hour with no problem.

Typically capillary blood will be about 10% higher than a serum draw but I'm not usually that lucky. So ..I'm sure tomorrow I'll get the call that they want me to repeat the entire thing over with a 3 hour test. I think I'll tell them to screw it and not lose another entire day feeling pukey and just call myself diabetic and be done with it. If the numbers are that close on 2 grams of metformin a day ...let's just call a spade a spade. Ya know?

We're about to get smacked with a huge snow storm ...we're in the 12 inch plus range predicted for tomorrow. I umm....haven't started Christmas shopping yet. Monk's birthday is Sunday and I have nothing for that. Saturday is my huge extended family Christmas so that pretty much knocks out that day for shopping. Monk's family is coming to celebrate his birthday on Sunday ..so umm....screwed there. I just found out that we're having his family here for Christmas Eve dinner. Umm. Yeah. And I'm on call. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. Entire Christmas Weekend.

And I have an interview for a new job on Tuesday. With my boss' competitor and arch enemy. Ouch for her.

Bah Humbug.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Diabetic Schmiabetic

I decided that I'm a pretty good nurse practitioner ...and a piss poor patient. I'm going to have to force myself to go get my labs done that were ordered well over 2 weeks ago. I'm forcing myself to make it happen tomorrow. If I thought there was a way for me to fake it ...I totally wouldn't go. I can't even tell you how much I'm dreading the 1 hour gestational screen glucose tolerance test. I *hate* insulin resistance and pcos. *hate* *hate* *hate* it. I have every intention of testing my blood sugar on my own before I go in and when I leave so that I know what the results are right away. I've been secretly plotting how to "fix" the results so they come out the right way. Umm..you got it. Crazy girl is back. My ideas for fixing the results? Running up and down the stairs for the entire full hour. Hiding in the bathroom and doing an hour worth of squats, lunges, and running in place...sneaking in insulin and taking some just in case ..umm...yeah. That might be taking things too far.

Okay seriously. WTF is wrong with me? Obviously the rational part of my brain knows that if I'm diabetic I need to take care of it and want to know about it at the earliest possible time. I also know that chances are more than likely that I will be since I'm starting out with insulin resistance and have been on massive doses of progesterone which makes insulin resistance worse. I limit and count carbs. Sort of. Seriously??? Sort of??!?Unless the 2nd piece of pizza at lunch today is calling my name or something. It's pathetic. I think I'll go lick Monk's chocolate ice cream cone to make myself feel better about the whole thing.

The health care provider in me? Teaches diabetic education a full 10 hours per week. To umm...gestational diabetics. I'm not even kidding. I have a certification in advanced diabetic management at a master's level that took me a very long time to get. It was a bitch of a test. You kind of have to be pretty smart about all things diabetic to get it. Wanna schedule an appointment with me?

The wife in me? Would probably be murdered and stuffed into a random crawlspace if Monk ever read this. Because umm... Monk? Is a Type 1 diabetic. On an insulin pump. And checks his blood a bare minimum of 10 times per day. And gets harassed by his wife probably 2 hours a day because I want him to wear a continuous glucose monitor in addition to his pump. So I'm sensing I wouldn't get a lot of support about being a pansy about the 1 hour GTT. Just guessing. In truth? I'm embarrassed to even tell him that I have to have the stupid test. And I'm pretty sure that he doesn't even know that I'm taking Metformin. Or what Metformin is for.

I've gotta go. I need to go find a phone book to look up "Treatments for crazy girls". Think I'll have any luck?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fun Times

The wedding? Was about 20 times worse than what I had imagined it would be. And ..if you need the reminder ...I went into it thinking it would be a better time to poke my own eyes out with a pencil. Twenty. Times. Worse.

The actual wedding was fine. We then spent FOUR hours on a drunk "boogie bus" complete with a stripper pole and about 15 more people than what should have legally been allowed on. Motion sickness, in case you are wondering, makes morning sickness even worse. I had been under the impression that we were going to drive around for a bit and then go to the groom's brother's house - which I was cool with - because he has a beautiful million dollar home and his wife is my friend. Instead ...we drove around with no destination in mind while the ex-girlfriend proceeded to get more and more drunk and make use of the stripper pole. Classy. Monk ...who was mostly terrified that I would spill the secret, I think, was overly attentive and pretty much glued to my side for any minute he wasn't contractually obligated to be at the head table.

Wait. The best part is coming.

During the dinner while Monk was sitting at the head table with the drunk/disgusting ex? I sat next to THE OTHER drunk ex and her husband. And she felt the need to tell me WAY too much about the fun they had in high school. I pretty much can't stand this woman anyway because I'm a petty witch ...but I was eventually forced to say, "Um...yeah. I'm good. I don't need any more details about how you almost had sex with my husband when you were 16. And he was dating your best friend." Umm...at least she moved after that.

Next? Virtually every one of Monk's friends eventually found out about me being knocked up and lots of questions/congratulations ensued. Favorite conversation from this tid bit?

Drunk guy 1: "Oh my god Monk ...you were set. You just ruined your life."

Drunk guy 2: "Wait. wait. Wait. How did this happen? Did Shauna have a canker sore or something??"

Drunk guy 3: "I'm guessing she found a used kleenex."

Ummm....yeah. I was sitting directly next to Monk during this entire conversation. He was laughing his ass off.

Lastly ...I was really kind of sad for a woman at the party who was forced to listen to all of the pregnancy talk and congratulations. She has been a friend of Monk's forever and is one of my best friend's sisters. She has been trying to have a baby since I met her. She originally started out with donor insemination to be a single mom by choice ..and it never worked. She eventually met someone and got married ....and proceeded to IVF to no avail. About nine months ago, she became a foster mom to a newborn that they intend to adopt. There's some weird legal issues with the dad who might not actually be the dad or something and they aren't sure if the adoption will go through. I honestly don't think that I'm that strong of a person to do something like that. I can't imagine losing a baby that I've loved for a year to someone that I know won't and/or can't care for him the same way I do. In the meantime, she was told that her eggs are too old and will have to move on to donor eggs. Her much younger sister donated eggs and she had her first DE transfer the day after Thanksgiving. I'm assuming it didn't work because she was drinking last night at the wedding ..but umm....sitting next to a table that was all pregnancy talk (albeit crude and annoying pregnancy talk) had to be incredibly painful. I just kind of avoided her for the entire night but felt miserable for her.

On to Week 11. One of the scary four weeks down ...three to go.

Oh...and I finally ate my five dollah foot long tonight. Vegetarian - of course. It was at least as good as I was imagining it to be. I still avoid meat like the plague. I have added dairy products back in. I'm pretty sure I could consume my weight in cottage cheese, yogurt, and cheddar without getting sick if given the opportunity. Apparently someone needs some calcium to grow bones or something.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Five. Five Dollah. Five Dollah Foooot Loooong.

I can't get that song out of my head. I haven't felt quite brave enough to get one yet ...but I think about it for about five hours a day. Zofran? Is probably the best thing in the world. Between that and a somewhat normal progesterone level now, I feel almost like a normal person again. I'm still smell sensitive and have waves of nausea but I don't feel like I'm on death row anymore.

However? It's going to take every single thing that I have to not poke my own eye out with a sharp object this weekend. Right now I'm about an hour late for an office Christmas party. I hate office Christmas parties. Monk is in a wedding this weekend where at least 2 of his ex-girlfriends will be in attendance. He is standing up with one of them. This pretty much makes me want to poke his eyes out. And because he's in the freaking wedding? It's going to consume the entire weekend. And I have a shite load of Christmas shopping and preparing to do. ARGH. If you had one inkling of how painful it will be to be around this group of people sober you'd probably volunteer to come here and poke my eyes out for me. They all started drinking at 11:30 am this morning and won't likely stop until Monday. Classy people. That's what I'm telling you. Classy.

And did I mention that my stupid husband is standing up with an ex girlfriend despite the fact that I'm pregnant and overly hormonal? Seriously. I wonder if his brain is the size of a pea. She's the sister of the groom. The groom is his best friend. No one knows they were ever together and he doesn't want to tell them. It was like 20 years ago. I might have to let it slip on the drunk bus ride between the wedding and the reception just to prove a point. Because I'm that much of a witch. But seriously. Would that piss you off?

Monday, December 8, 2008

1st Labor & Delivery visit

Yes ...you read that right. I already made my first trip to labor & delivery. Because ..you know. I'm an overachiever that way.

So ..today is the 3rd day that I haven't eaten. That's a lie. I did actually have 2 hot cocoa flavored hershey kisses after they gave me 2 liters of fluids and a crapload of IV zofran. And ..in better news ....they've stayed down so far. I woke up this morning and my heart rate was like 130 and I was flushed and dizzy and still couldn't manage to hold down a couple of ounces of flat ginger ale ...so I called the office and they sent me in for fluids. I do feel markedly better after the IV fluids ..or the zofran ...or the combination of the two. I think the dehydration was feeding the nausea and I got myself into a really nasty cycle.

And of course now? I'm craving a $5 footlong from Subway. But I'm thinking maybe we'll start with some peppermint tea and if that works I'll up the ante and sip on some vegetable broth. My progesterone level is stupid high ...so either the placenta kicked in or it all caught up with me. I'm thinking that has something to do with the extreme hyperemesis. I get to give up the PIO shots and orals ..and we'll work with just the vaginal suppositories and watch the levels closely. Anyway. Life moves on. Hopefully it will move on through the next 4 weeks quickly and I'll be in the 2nd trimester with a living fetus and able to hold some food down before I know it.

On a lighter note ...Ms. April tagged me to list 7 random facts about myself.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

I'm going to cheat because I'm sickly and super tired and just say ..um...if you're reading this ...you're it! :)

Random Facts:

1. Monk has never seen me naked. He' seen all the parts separately ...just never the sum of the parts in whole. Umm...you can also read that, "I have issues" if you'd like.
2. You'd think that I must be rather prudish considering number 1 ...but ..we actually have a great sex life. I still haven't figured that one out.
3. My stupid party trick? I can fold my tongue in half width-wise without using my teeth. It's supposedly genetic. The only other person I've met that can do it? Monk. Which ..genetically speaking...might be creepy but I prefer to think of it as fate.
4. I was accepted into Medical school as a freshman in undergrad at the University of Michigan. I dropped out of the program when I got pregnant with the golden child because being a mom was more important to me than being a doctor.
5. I recently found out that the golden child's donor is married and has 2 daughters. I'm really, really struggling with this information and all of it's implications for the golden child and his daughters.
6. I do approximately 6 patient visits on family members nearly every weekend. Part of me hates those members of my family for asking. I go to confession about these feelings on a nearly weekly basis but never manage to say no when someone calls sick.
7. I took 8 years of Spanish ...4 of them at the college level and spent a summer in Spain. I was very fluent in Spanish. I'm currently struggling to help the golden child with her 1st year Spanish homework. Seriously.

Saturday, December 6, 2008


In which the formerly infertile woman makes everyone want to kill her by griping about symptoms of pregnancy.

Which is awful. I know this. But seriously? I am so flipping miserable. I do feel incredibly lucky to be this miserable for this reason ...but miserable nonetheless.

I feel like I've got the worst possible ear infection because I'm constantly dizzy. I've become vegetarian because all meat is rotten flesh that tastes and smells vile. And the passing out count? Up to 6. Enough so that I have to have some stupid work up because they don't believe me when I tell them that I did this with the golden child and everything was fine. My body just does not care for pregnancy. I spent a total of about 3.5 hours out of bed yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to work this week if this continues. My standard dress for the last 3 days has been a nasty pair of old sweatpants and a batik/tye dye number that I wore when I was nine months pregnant ( 13 years ago)that I bought from my favorite vegetarian restaurant in Ann Arbor. Yep. All kinds of sexy. I'm not sure why Monk hasn't left me yet.

Now that I'm 10 weeks ...I'm feeling reflective. All of my losses have happened between weeks 10-14. So umm...scary times. But to be honest ...this pregnancy doesn't feel anything like the losses. I'm super sick. I have NO cramping at all ..none. Which feels strange for me. I didn't realize how much I had been cramping throughout the other pregnancies until it wasn't there. I've got to thank the progesterone ...but seriously? If all it took was a progesterone suppository a couple of times a day? I'm pissed about the other losses. I guess we'll see. I remember the golden child's first ultrasound ..and the sheer rush of adrenaline I felt after watching her bounce around inside me. I literally skipped out of the university of michigan hospital. Skipped. With this ultrasound, I was relieved ...but not overwhelmed with joy. Still sitting on pins and needles. Still fairly detached.

My medical assistant just found out that she's pregnant. She's literally the sweetest person that walked the face of the planet. She has a four year old that is so cute I couldn't be his mother. I think I might eat him or spoil him so much he'd be a serial killer. This pregnancy has allowed me to feel genuinely happy for her and excited ...and I'm not sure that would have been the case otherwise. But I constantly compare. She's 4 weeks pregnant - took the test at work on Tuesday - and already calling me to tell me about sales on summer maternity clothes ...and while I appreciate it? I'm umm...not quite thinking that far ahead. I miss the innocence.

We finally told my mom/siblings and Monk's family. My family was ecstatic. Monk's sibling's very congratulatory. Monk's mom? Umm...underwhelmed. Not sure what to think about that yet.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

breathing ...

Everything went really well.

I was a nervous wreck. Like ..ridiculously so. I'm starting to diagnose myself as having generalized anxiety disorder except that it's not generalized. It's pregnancy anxiety disorder. My blood pressure was sky high for me... 130/88. The nurse started to lecture me and I said ..umm...I'm visibly shaking. How about you recheck me after the ultrasound and I'll listen to the lecture if it's still needed then?? I was borderline schizo. So much so the friendly OB did a bedside u/s before the real u/s just to calm me down.

One little bean. In my uterus - not in a tube. One kick ass corpus luteum on my left ovary. Heartrate is 167. Due Date July 4th. Baby is all of 2.5 cm, and measuring dead on day for day from the day my OPK was positive. I'll stay on the progesterone suppositories until week 13 and then taper off for a week. I've got labs for the morning ....thyroid, HIV, all the standards plus the early gestational diabetes screen/1 hour tolerance test thanks to the pcos, insulin resistance, and my fat ass.

I feel like I just exhaled for the first time in 8 weeks. Or 3 years. One of the two.

Monday, December 1, 2008


My first OB/ultrasound appointment is tomorrow at 2 ..and I'm freaking out. I took the entire second half of the day off so I have time to chill out before embarrassing myself by crying or something the minute the OB walks in. She's notoriously late ...so I'm guessing I'll get out of there somewhere around 5.

A drug rep/infertile friend of mine called the office today crying ...and I've been upset ever since. She was 1 week ahead of me ..she finished her clomid pills when I started mine. She had her first ultrasound yesterday and the baby is tubal. She's devastated. I'm devastated for her. They had her dated at 11 weeks ..which seems insane to me. She had literally NO pain and a ton of pregancy symptoms and normal labs. Now I'm back on the tubal paranoia train because I HAVE had pain and goofy labs and not very many symptoms. Most of all ...I'm heartbroken for her. This is her 3rd loss in the last 2 years ...and she was so confident this time that she was out buying clothes and such. She's scheduled for surgery in the morning ...I'm praying that they can do something to save her tube.

What I wouldn't give to be able to skip this part and be sitting at home nursing a healthy newborn . . .