Sunday, December 14, 2008

Fun Times

The wedding? Was about 20 times worse than what I had imagined it would be. And ..if you need the reminder ...I went into it thinking it would be a better time to poke my own eyes out with a pencil. Twenty. Times. Worse.

The actual wedding was fine. We then spent FOUR hours on a drunk "boogie bus" complete with a stripper pole and about 15 more people than what should have legally been allowed on. Motion sickness, in case you are wondering, makes morning sickness even worse. I had been under the impression that we were going to drive around for a bit and then go to the groom's brother's house - which I was cool with - because he has a beautiful million dollar home and his wife is my friend. Instead ...we drove around with no destination in mind while the ex-girlfriend proceeded to get more and more drunk and make use of the stripper pole. Classy. Monk ...who was mostly terrified that I would spill the secret, I think, was overly attentive and pretty much glued to my side for any minute he wasn't contractually obligated to be at the head table.

Wait. The best part is coming.

During the dinner while Monk was sitting at the head table with the drunk/disgusting ex? I sat next to THE OTHER drunk ex and her husband. And she felt the need to tell me WAY too much about the fun they had in high school. I pretty much can't stand this woman anyway because I'm a petty witch ...but I was eventually forced to say, "Um...yeah. I'm good. I don't need any more details about how you almost had sex with my husband when you were 16. And he was dating your best friend." Umm...at least she moved after that.

Next? Virtually every one of Monk's friends eventually found out about me being knocked up and lots of questions/congratulations ensued. Favorite conversation from this tid bit?

Drunk guy 1: "Oh my god Monk ...you were set. You just ruined your life."

Drunk guy 2: "Wait. wait. Wait. How did this happen? Did Shauna have a canker sore or something??"

Drunk guy 3: "I'm guessing she found a used kleenex."

Ummm....yeah. I was sitting directly next to Monk during this entire conversation. He was laughing his ass off.

Lastly ...I was really kind of sad for a woman at the party who was forced to listen to all of the pregnancy talk and congratulations. She has been a friend of Monk's forever and is one of my best friend's sisters. She has been trying to have a baby since I met her. She originally started out with donor insemination to be a single mom by choice ..and it never worked. She eventually met someone and got married ....and proceeded to IVF to no avail. About nine months ago, she became a foster mom to a newborn that they intend to adopt. There's some weird legal issues with the dad who might not actually be the dad or something and they aren't sure if the adoption will go through. I honestly don't think that I'm that strong of a person to do something like that. I can't imagine losing a baby that I've loved for a year to someone that I know won't and/or can't care for him the same way I do. In the meantime, she was told that her eggs are too old and will have to move on to donor eggs. Her much younger sister donated eggs and she had her first DE transfer the day after Thanksgiving. I'm assuming it didn't work because she was drinking last night at the wedding ..but umm....sitting next to a table that was all pregnancy talk (albeit crude and annoying pregnancy talk) had to be incredibly painful. I just kind of avoided her for the entire night but felt miserable for her.

On to Week 11. One of the scary four weeks down ...three to go.

Oh...and I finally ate my five dollah foot long tonight. Vegetarian - of course. It was at least as good as I was imagining it to be. I still avoid meat like the plague. I have added dairy products back in. I'm pretty sure I could consume my weight in cottage cheese, yogurt, and cheddar without getting sick if given the opportunity. Apparently someone needs some calcium to grow bones or something.

4 comments:

April said...

:) you made it... at least we all get a little laugh.

stripper pole? seriously? wtf? that darn ex should know better!!!

almost to the second trimester.....

emilythehopeless said...

wow.. i don't know how you could stand that nightmare!! you poor thing!

Mermaid said...

Yum - that sandwich sounds good...now I want one. I didn't even think about vegetarian!

I wouldn't have tolerated that wedding! I'd have bailed at the sight of the stripper pole. Plus, I can't even think about my husband having a life before me. Yuck. Congrats on surviving the weekend!

Mo and Will said...

What a nightmare! Glad you survived and shared the story with us!

Mo