Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Grinch Stole My Christmas

Just to prove that I'm a psycho, I did actually squirt some pomegranate mango body wash into an empty clean tub to see what happens ...and ..voila ...instant blood clots. It's quite amazing how realistic it is, really. And that's coming from a former ICU nurse that spent a lot of 16 hour shifts in blood up to her elbows. Anyway.

I'm not feeling the Christmas season this year. I can't quite put my finger on why ...but all that I really feel is stressed. I'd much rather curl up in bed for the next few days and avoid everyone and the stress that comes with gift giving/receiving. Not very christian of me, I suppose ...but ...I'm just blah. I've actually never had to work on a Christmas and/or Christmas Eve before ..which is quite amazing considering how long I worked as a RN in a hospital. I'm not sure if it's that ...or being pregnant ....or missing my dad ...or the wretched cold/sinus infection that's taken over my head for the last week or what. I just find myself looking forward to January 2nd when everything is done and over with. Totally NOT like me in any way. I usually love Christmas. My parents always way outdid themselves for every holiday. I don't remember one that wasn't perfectly Norman Rockwellish, in fact. Always the perfect gift, the perfect attitude, decorations, food. Chestnuts roasting over an open fire, even. I really want that for the golden child as well....but I'm not sure that it's something you can fake. This year I feel like it'll be a miracle for me to drag myself out of bed and give a half-hearted "merry christmas ..there's your crap." She should be ecstatic with the presents she gets ...but she'd be happier if she had a happy mom.

I've spent the last couple of days wondering if I'm in some sort of weird pregnancy induced depression or what. I have the most exaggerated emotional responses to the silliest stuff. I was watching the today show the other day and they had a show on about bone marrow donation. Cute show ...cute family ...yeah two people saved the life of a child. Normally I might get a little teary over something like that. I actually sobbed on the couch for 20 minutes over it and was late to work because I couldn't get myself together. I just feel like I'm right on the edge all the time. Monk - who, by the way - has had the last 2 weeks off - asked me to help him wrap presents when I got home from work last night and I launched into a 20 minute tirade about how he sucks as a human being for asking ..because umm..I worked dammit and couldn't he tell that I would need an hour or so to chill out? He was like ..umm...back off, psycho. Which, was honestly probably a fairly legitimate response on his part but pissed me off more anyway.

Not a great Christmas post ...sorry. I'll do better next year. Hopefully even next week.


Amanda said...

Thanks for the comment. You got pregnant after 4 clomid cycles? Wow! You mean clomid actually works? Even on real infertiles and not those girls that just whine cause it takes 6 months to get pregnant? Thank you for the hope, I really needed some.

I'm looking down at Whoville planning to steal Christmas right along with you. This year has just been tough. Happy 2009

CTagsGirl said...

Awwww. Go away yucky cold! Hoping you feel better soon. Pregnancy does all kinds of crazy things to our emotions and being sick doesn't help, I'm sure!

April said...

oh, girl! whatever you do DO NOT start yourself on some sort of antidepressent! you know you have thought of it. do NOT do it! :) then i will really have to call some people to put the squash on it! you know we don't think rationally when it comes to ourselves.

feel better. drink some hot chocolate by the fire and relax. deep breaths!