Happy to report that my psychosis seems to have taken a vacation now that I've ingested all sorts of progesterone through various different orifices of my body. Seriously ...I feel like I had a bottle of Merlot or something I'm so chill. It was touchy for a while, though. I swear to God I drove to 4 different pharmacies only to be told at each one that the prescription had not been called in. At one of them? I almost went postal because *I* called the prescription in, dammit. Kind of hard to admit that to the pharmacy tech. I felt vaguely like a crack addict that couldn't find the goods for a good few hours. I finally called the friendly OB and explained my plight. She yelled at me ...which I apparently needed. Told me to relax or I was dooming myself to a colicky crabby stressed out baby. Laughed at me when I told her that if I thought it would help I would crush progesterone tabs and snort the powder like it was cocaine. I laughed and pretended I wasn't serious. The whole day I had Paul Simon singing "Save the life of my child ...cried the desperate mother..." in my head. Rather traumatizing when I realized that ALL of my symptoms including my aversion to meat were disappearing by the hour and there wasn't a progesterone suppository or prometrium capsule to be found. Rather silly now that I'm cuddled on the couch with all of the wretched nausea and sore boobies coming back.
I agreed to not test either my hcg or progesterone levels for a week. You know. For sanity's sake. The friendly OB had me get progesterone suppositories from a compounding pharmacy at a dose of 100 mg twice daily. She claims that it's enough because it's absorbed better than prometrium. She didn't argue when I told her that I needed to add a couple of prometrium caps in for good measure and my sanity. The weird thing? The super special suppositories are $100 for a month's supply and insurance doesn't pay for them. I don't mind paying but when I asked how some women could afford it? The OB said, "They can't. This is kind of an uptown problem." Ummm...that makes me sad. :(
I made a probably bad decision to tell the golden child today that she may or may not be having a sibling. I put myself on bedrest today as a precautionary measure and she couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. She has never known about any of the other pregnancies or losses ...and I cautioned her that this one might not make it. She's ecstatic at the possibility of a sibling ....her innocence is reassuring to me and I need to think all the good thoughts I possibly can. I hope it doesn't end in devastation for us both.