Saturday, November 22, 2008

Date Night with Monk

I've been searching for a blog name for my husband ..because I hate typing "my husband" and finally settled on Monk. the OCD detective. This is something that I call him in our real life ...because it fits. Not in looks ...but he certainly has his own OCD issues. I never knew how much it fit until after we were married (though we dated for 6 years before we married we never lived together). So ..Monk it is.

Anyway ...Monk and I had a date night tonight. Went out to dinner and to see Role Models. It was tough to be out past my appointed 7:30 pm bedtime ..but I figured that I either had to put forth the effort or committ murder. Heheh. The movie? Very funny. Vulgar ..but very funny. I'm still trying to convince Monk that he needs to be more supportive and that it is not in any way healthy for me when he acts as though this baby is going to die with certainty. I obviously have the same fears of us needs to fake it. And with the tears I'm sensing that I'm the more vulnerable one it's his turn to man up. And that's that. :)

I suppose I should explain a little about where we started since I chose my first ever IComLeavWe to post about him being an un-supportive ass. I would love to pretend to the world that our relationship is perfect ...but it's not ..and so I don't. We first met when he was dating my best friend. Umm...yeah. They ended things on their own ..and he and I picked up a while after that. Even in the very beginning, we both knew that we had literally nothing in common. Like ...nothing. And I'm not kidding. I love travel and the outdoors and school. He'd be content to never leave our house or neighborhood for that matter. Monk literally counts how many glasses the golden child and I drink out of during the day because he thinks it is excessive. I choose a new glass per hour just to irritate him. He frantically cleans the house on an hourly basis. I have a pile of clothes four feet deep in my walk in closet and honest to God don't know how to turn on the vacuum or where we keep the garbage bags. He shops at 3 different grocery stores to save money. I don't even look at the price tags or look for sales when I go. I would love to move to Africa for a couple of years to work in a clinic and bring home adopted babies Angelina style. He says, "Have fun. I probably won't be here when you get back."

A year or so into the relationship, my dad died. And I went more than a little loonie over it. When I looked around - he was the only one standing that was still making sense. He kept me grounded through the most difficult thing in my life. Because of the lack of commonality, I tried and he tried to end things several times in the beginning. On one such incident, I honest to God freaked out and held on to his legs as he was walking away. He still teases me about it today. Embarrassing? More than you know. But it's honest and true and me. I can't live without him. I think that there were things that we both wanted in a relationship that probably aren't here ...but the basics are. So ...just know. He's not a creep the vast majority of the time. He is, in fact, a husband that many, many women would dream of having. Do dream of having. Tell me they dream about it, even. In the last 8 years, we've been through pretty much everything. Three dead babies. In my ideal world ...he would have been equally as heartbroken as me over that. He wasn't. He would have ached for a child the same way that I do. He would have shared in the total bliss that I felt when I first saw this last positive test. But in truth ...he doesn't. It's just one more thing that we don't have in common. He's much more reserved about giving love than I. Much more guarded. I don't expect him to really accept that the pregnancy is really happening and healthy until he sees the ultrasound. I do, however, expect him to shower me with love and respect and kindness. That part? He occasionally needs a little extra nudge in. This week was one of those times. He responded well to the nudge. Eight years later ...we're still learning.

I've had this really incredibly disconcerting pain in my right lower abdomen and can't stop thinking ectopic. It's a pain that I've had before ..but I can't remember when though I've never had an ectopic. I'm going to take some tylenol ...lay down...and try to avoid the emergency room. I'm almost certain I won't make it until Dec 2nd without an ultrasound.


Faith said...

Thanks for the background -- a great ICLW post, for sure. Sounds like you and Monk are great counter-balances for each other. I hope your pain gets better very soon, hang in there. Here from ICLW.

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a great post. Sounds like you and Monk have figured out how to work through your biggest differences and that your marriage is quite strong as a result. I hope that nothing comes of the pain. Good luck.

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

First of all, thanks for posting on my blog. Second ... The Princess Bride is another of my favorite movies along with (the obvious) Love Actually.

And finally ... no relationship is perfect (just like the movies we like!). But what makes love "love" ... is how we treat it. That's what makes relationships hard.

Sounds like the two of you are also imperfectly perfect for each other. Guess that's why there's always a yin to a yang.


Mo and Will said...

Great post. Thanks for filling in the blanks. I especially loved reading about how you wish he would be able to feel exactly the way you do about the pregnancies and losses, but that he doesn't. And that you seem to be able to accept this. Will and I are definitely still working on that. I know he can't feel exactly the way I do about things, but I want him to as much as possible (accepting that he doesn't have a uterus and so physically can't actually conceive, carry, or lose a child in the same way that I can).

Great to hear more detail on your relationship with "Monk."

Thank you so much for sharing.


Echloe said...

I'm praying that your baby is not ectopic and that you will carry it to term. Keep your head up.

Also thanks for commenting on my blog.

Mama Bear said...

I love your honesty in this post and your blog -think I am gonna link to ya if that is alright! hope you get to feeling better!

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful, honest post. I love hearing about how people found their partners. It's a good reminder for me to appreciate the differences between my husband and I. He certainly doesn't want this as badly as I do, but in a way it's good, because he can stay sane while I'm freaking out.

I hope your pain goes away and that everything is okay.

Elana Kahn said...

Some cramping is normal--the uterus is doing all sorts of bizarre growing, so it's going to twinge a bit. As long as there's no blood and you're not doubled over in pain, try your best not to worry. (haha yeah that's funny)Here from ICLW.