Friday, November 21, 2008
Today was not such a great day. For some reason, I only had 3 patients booked in the am and 22 in the afternoon. My energy levels these days seriously peak at like 1:30 p.m., so even with sneaking home to nap at lunch ...I was exhausted by 6 pm when I finally finished dictating. And then my poor family had to suffer when I came home crabby and overly emotional.
I've gotten into at least 12 fights with my husband tonight...and generally feel fairly neglected and unloved. I'm thinking that's a hormonal thing as well, but it's still very difficult to temper my responses appropriately. I feel like I have to remind him 20 times a day that I'm pregnant and taking hormones 4 times a day. He acts like I'm using it as an excuse. In fact, he even managed to say, "That's getting old." when I responded that I was tired because I'm pregnant. Um... yeah. I haven't decided yet if we're ever going to talk again yet after that one.
One of the secretaries at work made me really, really think about the speaking out about infertility thing today. She's older ...I would guess in her 50's or 60's. She, for some reason, asked me out of the blue if I was doing fertility treatments. I hesitated. Thought about yesterday's post, and said, "Yes." It was difficult at best. She then proceeded to tell me her prolonged reproductive history which involved 8 years of failed IUI, IVF, and recurrent loss. I was shocked ...because I guess...I suck...and have a preconceived idea about people that I think would do that kind of thing. I felt like I needed to take a shower after the talk - and not because she upset me. I upset myself with my utter shock that she would have gone through infertility. Anyway. I'm learning. One day at a time.
The family practice doc that still delivers baby listened for a heartbeat today and found one fairly quickly. I'm trying not to be too reassured. As pissy as I'm feeling? My thoughts aren't so much about happy family with new baby as they are about being a single mama again.
I do actually love my husband when my body has somewhat normal levels of hormones in it.