I could very nearly be put in jail this week.
I went for my beta and progesterone level yesterday ...and drove to a lab 25 minutes away from the lab in MY OFFICE because they swore that I would get the results on the same day. And yesterday? At 9 pm? When they still weren't back? I could have almost killed someone.
Because ..I didn't make it a week without the crazy paranoia. Dead baby thoughts are driving me crazy. And not slowly, either. Other than breasts that may or not be more sore than normal, I don't have a single symptom. And I'm sort of obsessively looking for them, too.
So anyway ...after I waited an hour and forty minutes to vote this morning - which was awesome, by the way - I called and had my labs faxed to the office and then frantically tried to hide them from the office staff. The flipping RN found it on the fax anyway and had the nerve to say, "Why would you do this? You know you have too many issues to carry to term?" Umm..seriously bitch? Are you looking to get fired today? Or just have a death wish?
Beta ..a not incredibly overwhelming but not heartbreaking 112. Progesterone ...a not too shabby 38. Especially when you consider I'm the girl that this very same month had a level two hundredths of a point higher than menopause. We're talking less than 1.
Did that stop me from peeing on 3 sticks today to try and analyze if they were turning a darker pink faster than the test before? Not so much.
I go in tomorrow for a repeat beta and progesterone and doubling time. I expect I might have to slit my wrist to distract me from the paranoia of waiting an entire day to get results. GAWD. I think I'm going to print some "dead baby mama" stickers to put on all of my labs and charts to alert people to the psychosis they may be causing.