Sunday, May 1, 2011

Ambivalence.

I feel so strange emotionally with this pregnancy.  With A2, I was obsessive about everything.  Um.  Everything.  Now I'm very ho-hum about everything.  Most of the IF blogs that I read have progressed to life after infertility blogs (thank God) - and I honestly haven't sought out new ones lately.  So...my brain got lazy.  It occurred to me the other day (as a surprise) ..umm..NT scan!!  Right.  yeah.  Supposed to do that.  But umm..when does that happen again??

I wouldn't say that I'm overjoyed with this pregnancy.  Definitely not disappointed, but not super excited, either.  The idea of having a newborn, a 2 year old, and a junior in high school is slightly overwhelming.  I guess it's more the idea of being a working mom with all of that stuff going on that it is overwhelming.  We have a lot of work to do between here and there.  As in.  Umm.  We need another bedroom.  Not sure if there is one handy that I can borrow, but yeah.  I was all set on having the babies share a room for a while when my cousin posted on facebook that her similarly age-spaced children were being urgently moved into separate bedrooms because she went to check on the newborn in the middle of the night and found the 2 year old standing in the crib with a blanket over the newborn's head.  So. Yeah.  End that thought right away.

Anyway.  This is what I'm doing. I'm alternating between being in complete denial that the pregnancy exists and preparing for delivery.  Yesterday I was prepared for miscarriage because I have waning morning sickness, severe cramping, and continue to bleed.  Today I'm pukey, exhausted, the bleeding is gone and there is no more cramping. 

Monk is in complete denial.  As in ....we're using condoms when we have sex because he doesn't want to take the chance that I might get more pregnant.  Um.  Yeah.

I have no idea what's going on.

1 comment:

strongblonde said...

hahahahahaha. i love that you're using condoms NOW. hahahahaha.

um. you're pregnant. i'm betting that it just doesn't seem real b/c you 1) didn't try like you did with the previous one and 2) that you had JUST decided that you were going to remove that part of you! You had seriously just come to terms with it. and now you're pregnant? almost like a soap opera! ...except then you would have had the hysterectomy and THEN gotten pregnant ;)

you know i'm always here to talk!