Friday, April 3, 2009


So ...I didn't make it to work today. Strangely enough ...the weird pain is gone. I'm not sure if it was some kind of weird muscle spasm ..because a heating pad did actually seem to help ...or something with my liver ...or my gall bladder ...or if my son is growing a bowling ball sized head and tried to ram it through my liver into my throat last night. I'm thinking not gall bladder ...only because I had an extremely thorough gall bladder testing thing done about 3 months before I got pregnant and it was pronounced crazy healthy. Who knows. Maybe making it all squishy changed it or something. Either way...the pain is gone ...and I'm a happier though less fully employed girl today. I officially stopped the 2nd job ...with no real notice ...which sucks. I'll miss it dearly. It was challenging ...and different ...and I was surrounded by completely sane co-workers. So ..other than the challenging part? The complete opposite of my current full time job. Ha!

This post may be a little crazy ...because Monk and the child and I went to get custard a bit ago and I accidentally discovered a chocolate custard with marshmallow cream mixer thing that is conceivably the best thing I have ever tasted in my entire life. Ever. Not only am I a hyper spaz from the huge carb load ...but so is the 1/2 way there child. I think he might be trying to scratch his way out of my uterus with his toe nails.

My cervix is essentially the same thickness/size/what not today as it was a few days ago ...which is good. But she still wants me mostly on bedrest for the weekend and to come in for a check on Monday. I'm definitely still having contractions. This baby needs to stay put for quite a few weeks still.

So. Marriage. That still makes me giggle. Because when the hell did I get to be old enough to not only be married but to be analyzing my marriage? I still hear "Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togetha today..." from the princess bride every time I say it. Anyway. Monk and I are NOT connecting. I don't know why. I assume it's mostly me. There's the mostly non-existent sex life which is 99.8% my fault. But more than that ...there's suddenly this absence of hello/good-bye/goodnight kiss sweetness tenderness thing ..which is at least 70% me. He's been following me around like a lost puppy and I keep pushing him away every single time. I go upstairs ...he follows me. I come down ...he comes down. He tries to hug me when I'm making breakfast and I get irritated and mean. I've been quite literal and actually said, "I seriously need 5 inches of space. Please. Be less available for like hour. Let me pee upstairs ALL BY MYSELF. Give me a chance to miss you and come to find you." And umm...nothing changes except the hurt in his eyes. I don't like that it's changed and I don't know why ...but I can't make myself work through it either. I'd be happy for any suggestions you can give.


Anonymous said...

arg. poor monk. he just wants to help. :( he knows you're pregnant and going crazy and he just wants to be there. poor thing.

hang in there. it has to pass, right?

Searching for Serenity said...

Ugh, I'm not good with this sort of thing either.

Try taking baby steps. We need to be genuine for these sorts of things to work themselves out. Start with words. The next time he hugs you say "Thank you, I needed that." Good luck and let us know how it goes. I can completely relate.