I've been nearly ready to kill the golden child for the past week. She might have to have a new blog name - because she is not being golden. Her infractions are, in the grand scheme of things, incredibly minor. What distresses me, however, is her lack of remorse for the infraction to begin with. As an example, she's had braces for about a half of a year. $6,000 worth of braces and they need to be on for another year. Her teeth were awful. About two weeks after the braces went on? The two most horrendous teeth magically dropped into perfect position. I would have taken them off right then if I could have gotten some of the money back ...but no. So anyway. I'm fairly strict about the braces rules, because, in my world, six grand is a lot of moula. One thing that is absolutely forbidden is popcorn. She's been swearing that she hasn't had any. She had a friend over and it came out somehow that she has it all the time. I almost twisted her ears, I swear. Not really. But I wanted to. Then I caught her lying about a new t-shirt that she had on. I asked her where she got it ...she said, "So and so friend gave it to me for Christmas." That same night? Her friend said something which clearly meant that the golden child had bought it for herself. And umm....I really couldn't have cared less if she bought herself a shirt. She babysits. She makes her own money. So why the lie? I have no idea. But it concerns me. And she thinks it is funny. So ...I'm struggling with how best to handle it right now. I'm feeling the urge to lock her in the basement and tie her up with chains instead of letting her go to high school next year because of what could be around the corner. I don't really want to over react but I do want her to get the impression that I'm serious and don't like being lied to. In my mind right now lying about popcorn means she might be shooting up heroin in the next year or so ...and while logically I know that's not rationale, emotionally convincing myself of that is something else altogether.
As for pregnancy ...umm...I don't so much feel pregnant. Bizarre. Now that the wretched morning sickness is all but gone and I don't feel like passing out if I walk more than 10 steps, I can actually see how women would not know they were pregnant. Cause without the beta hcg's that I was compulsive about ordering for myself? I could totally assume it was just lymphoma or a prolonged viral illness or something. With every pregnancy before this, I've been totally focused on the baby. My general train of thought would be something like "Hmm...to do(baby) list for today (I'm pregnant!!)...I need to go renew my license (baby) buy some (MY baby)" blah blah. This time around, I feel like I'm following another infertile bloggers pregnancy. Very detached and distant. Happy. Amused....but not really my life. Just like I get excited when I check in on Allison and see that she's already 32(!!) weeks pregnant ...I log into my own blog and think "Wow! 14 weeks already? Time flies. That's so cool for her." Umm..okay psycho. It's not "her". It's me. Maybe I'll grow attached at week 15 ...a week I haven't seen in the pregnancy world in 14 years. If not? Someone is going to have to kick me in the assno to get me to get the nursery ready before the nugget is born.
Speaking of the nursery ...because I want this to be the longest post ever ...when we bought this house 2 1/2 years ago before the hell of recurrent loss, one of my favorite things (after the white picket fence) about the house was the ready made nursery. It was, essentially, perfect for me. Gender neutral ..inspired by pottery barn...I wouldn't have needed to change a thing. After the 1st miscarriage ....we threw all sorts of extra stuff in the room ..filled it from top to bottom and called it the "crap" room instead of the "nursery". After the 2nd loss, when we thought we had things figured out and the next baby would live ...we cleaned it out again. After the third loss? I closed the door to the room and refused to talk about it. I came home from work one day and Monk had painted the entire room adobe brown, moved in a dresser, and a queen sized bed and it became the guest room. So umm....at some point and time? We'll have to work on a nursery again. People wonder why I'm crazy.