Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Overwhelm.

I'm currently curled up in bed cuddling a lovey two year old and panicking.

Curiosity kills the cat. I was overwhelmed with gender obsession today and asked one of the docs I was working with to take a peek. We think there is probably a penis. Think. It could have been a hand. Or a cord.

Also? Happened to notice that I stil have complete previa. And really low amniotic fluid.

I'm not really sure what to do with this info other than panic. I did drink about six gallons of water, left work, and came home to lay on my left side. I'll talk to the regular ob tomorrow..and see the Mfm on the 25th. And obssess about congenital defects and abruption in the interim.

I'm exhausted and crabby. Work is in major suck mode. Right now my best case scenario seems to lead to bed rest, financial ruin, and no maternity leave.

Maybe I'll just go to sleep.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

I'm really worried about you. I know that you have legitimate fears, but your curiosity might be causing you unnecessary worry and fear. Are you seeing someone to help you with your anxiety? I don't know what studies show, but I think I've read that not treating anxiety during pregnancy can be more harmful for the baby than the possible side effects of medication.

I was having all those really bad breathing problems for a couple of weeks. I could only breathe shallowly and then I'd need to take a big deep breath to get more oxygen and I just about couldn't. I was dizzy and it was exhausting me. It was just like when I was pregnant and came totally out of the blue. I was really calm and doing well when it happened but I couldn't help but wonder if it was anxiety related even though it didn't sound like a panic attack. I saw dr and had a couple of tests and talked with my therapist about it a couple of times. And then it got better one day. So I don't know what it was but medically we didn't find any reasons for it and my therapist thought it did sound like it could be an anxiety related problem (although very atypical), even though it felt 1000% real. I just wanted to share that with you. I know you're having a hard time right now, but you might be doing yourself a real favor by talking with a professional therapist about some the problems that you are having. Try to focus on the positive and not dwell on your fears right now.

strongblonde said...

so. i think that you need to call in a few favors. you need to get your ob to call the mfm and get you in before the 25th to ease your anxiety. b/c seriously? you could walk up whenever for your apt. your available all of the time, even when you're working, right? at least you'll get some answers, etc.

you need to call/text about these things and not let me find out on your blog!! :)