I stayed home from work today. I have a yucky nasty cold and my right ovary feels like it might be approaching the size of a small cantaloupe. Yay for me. The thing is ...I wouldn't normally cancel a days worth of patients for a cold but I'm crabby and somewhat sad. So ...I stayed home and curled up on the floor with a heating pad, comforter, a cuddly puppy and some pillows. The bad decision I made? Watching reruns of maternity ward on Discovery Health Channel. What the hell happened to survival of the fittest? The first episode was filmed at a hospital that I worked at in my former life. Mom #1 ....a crack/marijuana addict who smoked until the day of delivery and delivered a crack addicted baby. Mom #2...obviously cognitively challenged and homeless delivered a baby with a massive skull deformity that will need a lifetime of special care and someone that knows how to handle him. At age 48, people. 48. I can't even wrap my mind around how a 48 year old not incredibly sexy looking homeless woman has SEX much less conceives unassisted.
People laugh at me when I say that my daughter is as perfect as I could hope for. They think I'm bragging - but I swear I'm not. Even at 13, she is wonderful and caring and doesn't step a toe out of line. She was the ideal infant (if you minus the fact that she didn't sleep through the night until she was 3. Years.). I guess I always figured that God gave me what he felt like I was able to handle. Because as a 20 year old single mom, it would have taken something just slightly less than perfection for me to lose it. But then, if that's true? What about these women? And their children? My heart breaks for them just as it does for the hundreds of women that write blogs to ease the pain of infertility and loss. It just seems so out of balance to me. How can a crack addicted mother care for a crack addicted infant with a good outcome for either of them? If Darwin is right, and survival of the species depends on natural selection - something has gone horribly wrong in our civilized world.