Monday, December 5, 2011


Life will be changing pretty drastically around here in less than 24 hours ....which is exciting, and wonderful, and terrifying.  There are so many things that are perfect right now that I know will never be the same once the newbie arrives.  My sister had her 3 babies at the same time that I had the golden child - boom boom boom - one after another.  I distinctly remember being in the delivery room with her and seeing this tiny perfect being in his first moments on earth, and how wonderful it was.  And how, minutes later, when her older children were brought in the room, they seemed decades older to me.  The fourteen month old baby seemed suddenly gigantic and old and childlike instead of the infant he was before I walked in the delivery room. 

 Things I want to remember and keep just as they are right now:
  • The fact that although the golden child has her driver's license and her own car, she mostly remains dependent and not at all excited about driving around.  She's still content to be here,with us.
  • That the golden child could not be more excited about a new baby coming into our lives, even though she understands the sacrifices it will mean for her with college, and college visits, and spring break trips.  That she isn't somehow embarrassed.
  • The unabashed way that baby A2 laughs at whatever strikes his fancy - deep baby belly laughs at things we would otherwise not notice.
  • Baby A2's need for skin to skin contact for comfort
  • The way A2 pronounces his "R"s ....especially when requesting a "haircut".  Haircut is perhaps my favorite word that he says right now.   Either that or "withgether".  As in, "Mommy, want to play soccer withgether??"  We can't get him to say together for anything.
  • His insistence on referring to himself as "the baby".  If someone is carrying him out of the room, he often says "Ohno!  Where is your baby going, mama??"
He had several moments today when he nearly lost it when talking about "the little brother" who is coming out tomorrow.  I wish I knew how to comfort him, how to let him know that it will all be okay in the end.  That he will still be loved.  That even though our relationship will change - especially over the next few weeks when I can't pick him up and am wrapped up in establishing a new routine with 2 babies, we'll find our way back to each other.

I'm getting pretty nerved up now about the physical aspects of what's happening tomorrow - all of the discomforts of getting the spinal, the nausea and itching and pain afterwards.  Trying to not overmanage who will be allowed to come in when ...worried about every living sole that I work with peeking in to say hi when I'm trying to bond and nurse with the new (still un-named) baby.  Trying to figure out a way to not be mean to my mother in law who somehow managed to contract a plague like sinus infection 2 days before I give birth when I tell her I don't want her around or touching the baby.  Because umm.  Yeah.  How do you do that tactfully??  And of course - worried about the baby.  That he will handle the transition well.  That his lungs will be okay.  That I've done a good job managing my blood sugars and he won't experience any hypoglycemia after delivery.  That he's healthy.  That he has all of his parts and they're all in working order. 

I just want it to all be okay.

1 comment:

strongblonde said...

:) so super, duper excited for you. and you'll be great!!!