Thursday, June 9, 2011

Relief.

I went in for an ultrasound/OB appointment on Tuesday.  Baby looks good.  Flip flopping all around.  It's so weird to have ultrasounds this frequently ....he/she totally looks like a baby now.  Like ...a baby baby instead of a blob.  Crazy.  The SCH is still there but tiny.  My placenta is lying directly on top of my cervix ...so at this point the OB is not sure if the continued bleeding is from the SCH or from the placenta.  In either case, I get to continue with weekly appointments and every other week ultrasounds.  And pelvic rest.  Seriously.  The pelvic rest is killing me.  Not to mention Monk.

I opted for the NT scan integrated two step test instead of amnio ...we'll see what kind of wreck that makes me.  I completely forgot to ask if there was a nasal bone present.  The NT measurement was 1.4 ...and seriously, I was ecstatic for like an hour over that.  As if it meant it guaranteed a perfectly healthy living baby 6 months from now ecstatic.  I tend to think that the blood draw will increase my risk again ...but I guess I'll deal with that bridge when I come to it.

Baby A's mood/temperament went completely back to normal on my 3rd day home from work ...so I'm still thinking that it was a get your butt home kind of communication.  He still uses his siren song whine, but in short intervals and clearly to express his displeasure in something (having to take a bath before we go to the park, etc.).

I'm struggling at work, lately.  I've gone through this periodically throughout my career, and it usually passes on it's own but this is a particularly difficult round.  I spend the majority of my time in a tiny little dictation room in the ER.  The dictation room is directly across the hall from a "consult room" where they put families that have loved ones that are critically ill so that we can go and talk to them.  Unfortunately, they also use it for a dead body viewing room if someone dies in the ER.  It's uncomfortable, at best, because you end up trying to work 3 feet away from a family at the height of grief/shock ...there is usually wailing, screaming, sometimes violence.  Very, very uncomfortable.  Last week, there was a major accident on one of the nearby highways involving 10 cars and a 5 year old died.  I sat and listened to a mother wail for 3 hours before I lost it myself and had to leave.  Yesterday, a 20 year old came in after overdosing on a new - legal - street drug. 

I can't figure out how to deal with the emotion of it all appropriately in this little space.

2 comments:

strongblonde said...

:) pelvic rest. lol. i find it hard to believe you will actually do it. you're...ahem...not the best at following orders, right? ;)

is it possible for you to stay home? we could write a book or something? have i ever mentioned my friend who's pedi NP does house calls? and doesn't accept insurance. everyone pays her out of pocket. she just travels around WHEN SHE WANTS and goes to peoples houses. need a rash looked at? check. Kid having some diarrhea? check. how cake is that job?? let's do it!

Kristin said...

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