overwhelmed

That about it sums it up. Totally overwhelmed.

Yesterday? Work totally sucked. My boss, who suffers from a fairly serious mental illness that is completely untreated, has been in a bad cycle for a while. A death in the family in February set her off and she really hasn't worked much since then. Which means that it's me managing everything in the practice and being overwhelmed in general. Yesterday, she had a particularly bad day that she described as a migraine, and insisted that I leave the office in the middle of the day, an hour before my scan, and come to her house to give her injections for the migraine. Fine. Whatever. Other side of town from where I'm going and a huge time crunch. Rushed there ...and instantly became overwhelmed at the state of disarray of her home. Seriously. Overwhelmed.

Left there and went to the MFM appointment. I started to feel really weird in the waiting room. A female OB resident that I'm extremely fond of/have lunch with often because she used to be a student in my room was rotating with the MFM and came in for the scan. Her presence is always so reassuring. Very calming. However, by the time I got back into the u/s room, my blood pressure was 170/94. That, combined with 3+ pitting edema to my thighs and a crazy 9 lb weight gain in 2 days made him not very happy with me. They re checked my blood pressure at the end of the visit and it was 157/86. Still way too high. He felt that I was okay ..asked me to check my blood pressure twice a day, dip my urine daily to check for protein, and call to let the OB know that he wanted me to be seen there this week. The scan went okay. Baby is 1 lb 9 ounces. The parts of the heart he couldn't see before were fine. Placenta insertion site was fine. He's still very stubbornly breech and I was shocked at how high his head is up under my rib cage. The only abnormality he found was a very mildly enlarged renal pelvis in one kidney and suggested a re-scan in 4 weeks. Assured me that it's very common and nothing to worry about. Interestingly, he asked me to stop the Metformin because 1 study demonstrated an increased risk of pregnancy induced hypertension and he would rather that I be on insulin if I should need it. Hmm. I feel weird about not taking it ..but will obviously stop.

Left that office ...called the OB to let her know about the blood pressure and swelling expecting an appointment in her office this week and a serious discussion about my work schedule. Instead? She admitted me to labor and delivery for a PIH screening. Hmmm. Wasn't expecting that. After several hours, my blood pressure came down on it's own to 115/70 and all of my labs/urine were fine ...so they sent me home. Surprisingly? That 5 hours in the hospital was the most relaxed I've felt in months. They've restricted my work schedule and gave me a prescription for seriously attractive compression socks. I came home and went to bed.

For some stupid reason I decided to google enlarged renal pelvis and read "is a soft marker for Downs Syndrome" in the first line. I couldn't click a single link and have spent the last 2 hours in a total panic attack not able to cope with anything. I feel stupid ...but reading that one little line was enough to push me over the precarious edge I was sitting on. I spent a stupid amount of money on super cute maternity clothes from gap and old navy and banana republic. It was delivered today and I can't even make myself open the package and look at them.

I want a bottle of wine, a dark room, and a 3 month long nap. Instead, I have to make dinner, pretend to be functional, and take my daughter to track try outs. This will be considerably more difficult because I was so upset after reading that search result at work that I left without my purse, wallet, or cell phone. Hmm.