Diabetic Schmiabetic

I decided that I'm a pretty good nurse practitioner ...and a piss poor patient. I'm going to have to force myself to go get my labs done that were ordered well over 2 weeks ago. I'm forcing myself to make it happen tomorrow. If I thought there was a way for me to fake it ...I totally wouldn't go. I can't even tell you how much I'm dreading the 1 hour gestational screen glucose tolerance test. I *hate* insulin resistance and pcos. *hate* *hate* *hate* it. I have every intention of testing my blood sugar on my own before I go in and when I leave so that I know what the results are right away. I've been secretly plotting how to "fix" the results so they come out the right way. Umm..you got it. Crazy girl is back. My ideas for fixing the results? Running up and down the stairs for the entire full hour. Hiding in the bathroom and doing an hour worth of squats, lunges, and running in place...sneaking in insulin and taking some just in case ..umm...yeah. That might be taking things too far.

Okay seriously. WTF is wrong with me? Obviously the rational part of my brain knows that if I'm diabetic I need to take care of it and want to know about it at the earliest possible time. I also know that chances are more than likely that I will be since I'm starting out with insulin resistance and have been on massive doses of progesterone which makes insulin resistance worse. I limit and count carbs. Sort of. Seriously??? Sort of??!?Unless the 2nd piece of pizza at lunch today is calling my name or something. It's pathetic. I think I'll go lick Monk's chocolate ice cream cone to make myself feel better about the whole thing.

The health care provider in me? Teaches diabetic education a full 10 hours per week. To umm...gestational diabetics. I'm not even kidding. I have a certification in advanced diabetic management at a master's level that took me a very long time to get. It was a bitch of a test. You kind of have to be pretty smart about all things diabetic to get it. Wanna schedule an appointment with me?

The wife in me? Would probably be murdered and stuffed into a random crawlspace if Monk ever read this. Because umm... Monk? Is a Type 1 diabetic. On an insulin pump. And checks his blood a bare minimum of 10 times per day. And gets harassed by his wife probably 2 hours a day because I want him to wear a continuous glucose monitor in addition to his pump. So I'm sensing I wouldn't get a lot of support about being a pansy about the 1 hour GTT. Just guessing. In truth? I'm embarrassed to even tell him that I have to have the stupid test. And I'm pretty sure that he doesn't even know that I'm taking Metformin. Or what Metformin is for.

I've gotta go. I need to go find a phone book to look up "Treatments for crazy girls". Think I'll have any luck?

Fun Times

The wedding? Was about 20 times worse than what I had imagined it would be. And ..if you need the reminder ...I went into it thinking it would be a better time to poke my own eyes out with a pencil. Twenty. Times. Worse.

The actual wedding was fine. We then spent FOUR hours on a drunk "boogie bus" complete with a stripper pole and about 15 more people than what should have legally been allowed on. Motion sickness, in case you are wondering, makes morning sickness even worse. I had been under the impression that we were going to drive around for a bit and then go to the groom's brother's house - which I was cool with - because he has a beautiful million dollar home and his wife is my friend. Instead ...we drove around with no destination in mind while the ex-girlfriend proceeded to get more and more drunk and make use of the stripper pole. Classy. Monk ...who was mostly terrified that I would spill the secret, I think, was overly attentive and pretty much glued to my side for any minute he wasn't contractually obligated to be at the head table.

Wait. The best part is coming.

During the dinner while Monk was sitting at the head table with the drunk/disgusting ex? I sat next to THE OTHER drunk ex and her husband. And she felt the need to tell me WAY too much about the fun they had in high school. I pretty much can't stand this woman anyway because I'm a petty witch ...but I was eventually forced to say, "Um...yeah. I'm good. I don't need any more details about how you almost had sex with my husband when you were 16. And he was dating your best friend." Umm...at least she moved after that.

Next? Virtually every one of Monk's friends eventually found out about me being knocked up and lots of questions/congratulations ensued. Favorite conversation from this tid bit?

Drunk guy 1: "Oh my god Monk ...you were set. You just ruined your life."

Drunk guy 2: "Wait. wait. Wait. How did this happen? Did Shauna have a canker sore or something??"

Drunk guy 3: "I'm guessing she found a used kleenex."

Ummm....yeah. I was sitting directly next to Monk during this entire conversation. He was laughing his ass off.

Lastly ...I was really kind of sad for a woman at the party who was forced to listen to all of the pregnancy talk and congratulations. She has been a friend of Monk's forever and is one of my best friend's sisters. She has been trying to have a baby since I met her. She originally started out with donor insemination to be a single mom by choice ..and it never worked. She eventually met someone and got married ....and proceeded to IVF to no avail. About nine months ago, she became a foster mom to a newborn that they intend to adopt. There's some weird legal issues with the dad who might not actually be the dad or something and they aren't sure if the adoption will go through. I honestly don't think that I'm that strong of a person to do something like that. I can't imagine losing a baby that I've loved for a year to someone that I know won't and/or can't care for him the same way I do. In the meantime, she was told that her eggs are too old and will have to move on to donor eggs. Her much younger sister donated eggs and she had her first DE transfer the day after Thanksgiving. I'm assuming it didn't work because she was drinking last night at the wedding ..but umm....sitting next to a table that was all pregnancy talk (albeit crude and annoying pregnancy talk) had to be incredibly painful. I just kind of avoided her for the entire night but felt miserable for her.

On to Week 11. One of the scary four weeks down ...three to go.

Oh...and I finally ate my five dollah foot long tonight. Vegetarian - of course. It was at least as good as I was imagining it to be. I still avoid meat like the plague. I have added dairy products back in. I'm pretty sure I could consume my weight in cottage cheese, yogurt, and cheddar without getting sick if given the opportunity. Apparently someone needs some calcium to grow bones or something.

Five

Five. Five Dollah. Five Dollah Foooot Loooong.

I can't get that song out of my head. I haven't felt quite brave enough to get one yet ...but I think about it for about five hours a day. Zofran? Is probably the best thing in the world. Between that and a somewhat normal progesterone level now, I feel almost like a normal person again. I'm still smell sensitive and have waves of nausea but I don't feel like I'm on death row anymore.

However? It's going to take every single thing that I have to not poke my own eye out with a sharp object this weekend. Right now I'm about an hour late for an office Christmas party. I hate office Christmas parties. Monk is in a wedding this weekend where at least 2 of his ex-girlfriends will be in attendance. He is standing up with one of them. This pretty much makes me want to poke his eyes out. And because he's in the freaking wedding? It's going to consume the entire weekend. And I have a shite load of Christmas shopping and preparing to do. ARGH. If you had one inkling of how painful it will be to be around this group of people sober you'd probably volunteer to come here and poke my eyes out for me. They all started drinking at 11:30 am this morning and won't likely stop until Monday. Classy people. That's what I'm telling you. Classy.

And did I mention that my stupid husband is standing up with an ex girlfriend despite the fact that I'm pregnant and overly hormonal? Seriously. I wonder if his brain is the size of a pea. She's the sister of the groom. The groom is his best friend. No one knows they were ever together and he doesn't want to tell them. It was like 20 years ago. I might have to let it slip on the drunk bus ride between the wedding and the reception just to prove a point. Because I'm that much of a witch. But seriously. Would that piss you off?

1st Labor & Delivery visit

Yes ...you read that right. I already made my first trip to labor & delivery. Because ..you know. I'm an overachiever that way.

So ..today is the 3rd day that I haven't eaten. That's a lie. I did actually have 2 hot cocoa flavored hershey kisses after they gave me 2 liters of fluids and a crapload of IV zofran. And ..in better news ....they've stayed down so far. I woke up this morning and my heart rate was like 130 and I was flushed and dizzy and still couldn't manage to hold down a couple of ounces of flat ginger ale ...so I called the office and they sent me in for fluids. I do feel markedly better after the IV fluids ..or the zofran ...or the combination of the two. I think the dehydration was feeding the nausea and I got myself into a really nasty cycle.

And of course now? I'm craving a $5 footlong from Subway. But I'm thinking maybe we'll start with some peppermint tea and if that works I'll up the ante and sip on some vegetable broth. My progesterone level is stupid high ...so either the placenta kicked in or it all caught up with me. I'm thinking that has something to do with the extreme hyperemesis. I get to give up the PIO shots and orals ..and we'll work with just the vaginal suppositories and watch the levels closely. Anyway. Life moves on. Hopefully it will move on through the next 4 weeks quickly and I'll be in the 2nd trimester with a living fetus and able to hold some food down before I know it.

On a lighter note ...Ms. April tagged me to list 7 random facts about myself.

Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

I'm going to cheat because I'm sickly and super tired and just say ..um...if you're reading this ...you're it! :)

Random Facts:

1. Monk has never seen me naked. He' seen all the parts separately ...just never the sum of the parts in whole. Umm...you can also read that, "I have issues" if you'd like.
2. You'd think that I must be rather prudish considering number 1 ...but ..we actually have a great sex life. I still haven't figured that one out.
3. My stupid party trick? I can fold my tongue in half width-wise without using my teeth. It's supposedly genetic. The only other person I've met that can do it? Monk. Which ..genetically speaking...might be creepy but I prefer to think of it as fate.
4. I was accepted into Medical school as a freshman in undergrad at the University of Michigan. I dropped out of the program when I got pregnant with the golden child because being a mom was more important to me than being a doctor.
5. I recently found out that the golden child's donor is married and has 2 daughters. I'm really, really struggling with this information and all of it's implications for the golden child and his daughters.
6. I do approximately 6 patient visits on family members nearly every weekend. Part of me hates those members of my family for asking. I go to confession about these feelings on a nearly weekly basis but never manage to say no when someone calls sick.
7. I took 8 years of Spanish ...4 of them at the college level and spent a summer in Spain. I was very fluent in Spanish. I'm currently struggling to help the golden child with her 1st year Spanish homework. Seriously.

Gripes

In which the formerly infertile woman makes everyone want to kill her by griping about symptoms of pregnancy.

Which is awful. I know this. But seriously? I am so flipping miserable. I do feel incredibly lucky to be this miserable for this reason ...but miserable nonetheless.

I feel like I've got the worst possible ear infection because I'm constantly dizzy. I've become vegetarian because all meat is rotten flesh that tastes and smells vile. And the passing out count? Up to 6. Enough so that I have to have some stupid work up because they don't believe me when I tell them that I did this with the golden child and everything was fine. My body just does not care for pregnancy. I spent a total of about 3.5 hours out of bed yesterday. I have no idea how I'm going to work this week if this continues. My standard dress for the last 3 days has been a nasty pair of old sweatpants and a batik/tye dye number that I wore when I was nine months pregnant ( 13 years ago)that I bought from my favorite vegetarian restaurant in Ann Arbor. Yep. All kinds of sexy. I'm not sure why Monk hasn't left me yet.

Now that I'm 10 weeks ...I'm feeling reflective. All of my losses have happened between weeks 10-14. So umm...scary times. But to be honest ...this pregnancy doesn't feel anything like the losses. I'm super sick. I have NO cramping at all ..none. Which feels strange for me. I didn't realize how much I had been cramping throughout the other pregnancies until it wasn't there. I've got to thank the progesterone ...but seriously? If all it took was a progesterone suppository a couple of times a day? I'm pissed about the other losses. I guess we'll see. I remember the golden child's first ultrasound ..and the sheer rush of adrenaline I felt after watching her bounce around inside me. I literally skipped out of the university of michigan hospital. Skipped. With this ultrasound, I was relieved ...but not overwhelmed with joy. Still sitting on pins and needles. Still fairly detached.

My medical assistant just found out that she's pregnant. She's literally the sweetest person that walked the face of the planet. She has a four year old that is so cute I couldn't be his mother. I think I might eat him or spoil him so much he'd be a serial killer. This pregnancy has allowed me to feel genuinely happy for her and excited ...and I'm not sure that would have been the case otherwise. But I constantly compare. She's 4 weeks pregnant - took the test at work on Tuesday - and already calling me to tell me about sales on summer maternity clothes ...and while I appreciate it? I'm umm...not quite thinking that far ahead. I miss the innocence.

We finally told my mom/siblings and Monk's family. My family was ecstatic. Monk's sibling's very congratulatory. Monk's mom? Umm...underwhelmed. Not sure what to think about that yet.

breathing ...

Everything went really well.

I was a nervous wreck. Like ..ridiculously so. I'm starting to diagnose myself as having generalized anxiety disorder except that it's not generalized. It's pregnancy anxiety disorder. My blood pressure was sky high for me... 130/88. The nurse started to lecture me and I said ..umm...I'm visibly shaking. How about you recheck me after the ultrasound and I'll listen to the lecture if it's still needed then?? I was borderline schizo. So much so the friendly OB did a bedside u/s before the real u/s just to calm me down.

One little bean. In my uterus - not in a tube. One kick ass corpus luteum on my left ovary. Heartrate is 167. Due Date July 4th. Baby is all of 2.5 cm, and measuring dead on day for day from the day my OPK was positive. I'll stay on the progesterone suppositories until week 13 and then taper off for a week. I've got labs for the morning ....thyroid, HIV, all the standards plus the early gestational diabetes screen/1 hour tolerance test thanks to the pcos, insulin resistance, and my fat ass.

I feel like I just exhaled for the first time in 8 weeks. Or 3 years. One of the two.

Paranoia

My first OB/ultrasound appointment is tomorrow at 2 ..and I'm freaking out. I took the entire second half of the day off so I have time to chill out before embarrassing myself by crying or something the minute the OB walks in. She's notoriously late ...so I'm guessing I'll get out of there somewhere around 5.

A drug rep/infertile friend of mine called the office today crying ...and I've been upset ever since. She was 1 week ahead of me ..she finished her clomid pills when I started mine. She had her first ultrasound yesterday and the baby is tubal. She's devastated. I'm devastated for her. They had her dated at 11 weeks ..which seems insane to me. She had literally NO pain and a ton of pregancy symptoms and normal labs. Now I'm back on the tubal paranoia train because I HAVE had pain and goofy labs and not very many symptoms. Most of all ...I'm heartbroken for her. This is her 3rd loss in the last 2 years ...and she was so confident this time that she was out buying clothes and such. She's scheduled for surgery in the morning ...I'm praying that they can do something to save her tube.

What I wouldn't give to be able to skip this part and be sitting at home nursing a healthy newborn . . .