Home.

We are home, nearly tucked in for the night.  It was a very, very rough delivery and continues to be a rough recovery, but we're both alive and healthy.  The baby has done great - he's a trooper.  He was 7 pounds, 13 ounces, 21 inches long.  He did have some post partum hypoglycemia - but never required NICU care.  It corrected with breastfeeding alone.  He's nursing well, has all of his parts in working order, and is only mildly jaundiced at this point. 

Baby A2 is handling things very well so far, much better than I could have hoped for though I sense some sadness looming on the horizon.  The golden child is in love with her newest sibling, and after being more helpful than I would have thought possible for a teenager, escaped tonight to a hot tub party with friends. 
For several minutes when I got home, baby A2 "helped" me nurse baby K (held my breast while the baby suckled), and the golden child held baby A2 propped on me to allow him to help without hurting my stomach.  It was, honestly, almost more than I could stand.  These three lives that I've somehow brought into this world, helping and loving each other and me through enormous change.

More details when I can sit up for longer than 4 minutes. 

My newest love, Baby K, dressed in his take home outfit.

FavoriteThings

Life will be changing pretty drastically around here in less than 24 hours ....which is exciting, and wonderful, and terrifying.  There are so many things that are perfect right now that I know will never be the same once the newbie arrives.  My sister had her 3 babies at the same time that I had the golden child - boom boom boom - one after another.  I distinctly remember being in the delivery room with her and seeing this tiny perfect being in his first moments on earth, and how wonderful it was.  And how, minutes later, when her older children were brought in the room, they seemed decades older to me.  The fourteen month old baby seemed suddenly gigantic and old and childlike instead of the infant he was before I walked in the delivery room. 

 Things I want to remember and keep just as they are right now:

• The fact that although the golden child has her driver's license and her own car, she mostly remains dependent and not at all excited about driving around.  She's still content to be here,with us.
• That the golden child could not be more excited about a new baby coming into our lives, even though she understands the sacrifices it will mean for her with college, and college visits, and spring break trips.  That she isn't somehow embarrassed.
• The unabashed way that baby A2 laughs at whatever strikes his fancy - deep baby belly laughs at things we would otherwise not notice.
• Baby A2's need for skin to skin contact for comfort
• The way A2 pronounces his "R"s ....especially when requesting a "haircut".  Haircut is perhaps my favorite word that he says right now.   Either that or "withgether".  As in, "Mommy, want to play soccer withgether??"  We can't get him to say together for anything.
• His insistence on referring to himself as "the baby".  If someone is carrying him out of the room, he often says "Ohno!  Where is your baby going, mama??"

He had several moments today when he nearly lost it when talking about "the little brother" who is coming out tomorrow.  I wish I knew how to comfort him, how to let him know that it will all be okay in the end.  That he will still be loved.  That even though our relationship will change - especially over the next few weeks when I can't pick him up and am wrapped up in establishing a new routine with 2 babies, we'll find our way back to each other.

I'm getting pretty nerved up now about the physical aspects of what's happening tomorrow - all of the discomforts of getting the spinal, the nausea and itching and pain afterwards.  Trying to not overmanage who will be allowed to come in when ...worried about every living sole that I work with peeking in to say hi when I'm trying to bond and nurse with the new (still un-named) baby.  Trying to figure out a way to not be mean to my mother in law who somehow managed to contract a plague like sinus infection 2 days before I give birth when I tell her I don't want her around or touching the baby.  Because umm.  Yeah.  How do you do that tactfully??  And of course - worried about the baby.  That he will handle the transition well.  That his lungs will be okay.  That I've done a good job managing my blood sugars and he won't experience any hypoglycemia after delivery.  That he's healthy.  That he has all of his parts and they're all in working order. 

I just want it to all be okay.

Trial Run

Yesterday was perhaps one of the most physically unpleasant days of my life.  Of course, I've decided to blog about it to keep it fresh in mind for all of eternity.

The amnio was scheduled for 9:45.  We woke up, got to the hospital an hour early as directed and things progressed normally.  Amnio was eventless - the fluid was amber and clear.  Typically,with mature lungs, it should be colorless and very cloudy.  I didn't really feel like they were going to be mature going into things, so I wasn't incredibly disappointed.  About a half hour after the amnio, I started contracting, which is mostly expected.  Contractions quickly escalated to every 3 minutes and became very, very uncomfortable.  The official fluid results came back as early transitional - but definitely not mature.    We then spent the next eight hours trying to stop labor.  They gave me three liters of fluid and 2 medications - none of which worked.   I didn't seem to be progressing as all - they weren't getting more intense or more frequent and my cervix wasn't changing.  They called the MFM for recommendations.  He felt like we should still try to stop labor for 2-3 days because the baby would probably otherwise end up in the NICU - maybe even vented.  WTF?!?  At nearly 39 weeks?!?  I don't get it at all.   He also thought that maybe because I wasn't progressing that my uterus was just pissed off about having no food for 24 hours and suggested feeding me.  I was reluctant - because that guaranteed another 6 hours of uncomfortable labor if it didn't work.  So we settled on an oral dose of procardia, which they assured me they would know if it would work or not within 20 minutes.  About 10 minutes into it, I thought I was dying.  I turned myself on my left side, adjusted my IV rate to give me a crap load of fluid, and asked Monk to get the nurse.  When she came back, I was feeling somewhat better - and my blood pressure was 60/20.  The baby didn't seem to mind at all and tolerated the whole thing really well.  After a couple of more liters of fluid, I started to feel a little better - just incredibly flushed, racing heart, and horrid headache.  And hey ...the contractions stopped.   So they fed me ...and sent me home with plans to return on Wednesday for the section.  I'm supposed to be on super limited activity.  No sex, no activity, no shopping or lifting and do what I can to avoid labor between now and then.  Who would have thought?  Who stops labor at almost 39 weeks?

We came home and settled in for the night.  We comforted my distressed mother, daughter, and two year old and tucked ourselves into bed.  I have another three days of pregnancy before a section and tubal ligation ....and hopefully a live baby to cuddle to show for it afterwards.

The only thing I'm really struggling with is how to parent a 2 year old and a newborn.  My 2 year old is very very cuddly and needy.  He still needs to cuddle and "touch nursies" several times throughout the day.  He is recently potty trained and sleeping through the night.  Today, when laying down with him for a nap, he kept trying to touch nursies (which I have been avoiding to avoid contractions) and when I said, "No", he screamed, "THOSE ARE NOT THE NEW BABY'S" !!!   I sense big big problems coming my way and don't have a clue as to how to deal with them to make this less painful for him.  There's a reason that my first 2 kids were 13 years apart - I swear.

Any and all advice accepted and appreciated :)

Nearing the end.

I don't know why it comes as a surprise to me that I suck at keeping my blog updated.  But yes.  I do, in fact, royally suck at blogging.

The end of this pregnancy is near.  C-section is scheduled for Friday at 3 p.m. if lungs are mature after amnio.  Holy crap. 

I just got out of Triage.  I felt close to no fetal movement for the entire day and eventually felt nervous enough to go in.  His heart rate was only 110 when I got there.  They promptly woke him up and everything looked good.  AFI was on the low end of normal - so I'm back for daily NSTs an BPP's until delivery.  I was supposed to work this week . . . but I guess not.  Which is good.  I'll stay home, cuddle the 2 year old, and drink lots of water.   I continue to have runs of false labor - lasting for a few hours and then it will stop.  We're woefully unprepared to have this little one enter our lives ... but it'll work out.

I'm still super worried about a post-partum hormone crash.  I put everyone on high alert to watch me after delivery.  Other than that ...anxiety seems to be fairly under control.  Except see above triage visit.   Ha.  I still delude myself pretty well, apparently.

Wish me luck.  Here goes nothing.

Three Years

Three years ago today, I wrote this post:

Trick or Treat

If you had told me then that those three years would have turned into this:

And this:

Plus an additional 34 week from all appearances healthy pregnancy -

I would have told you that you were insane.

Sometimes - life is too sweet.



Favorite Things

My favorite things about this week

• Somehow nearly everyone in my practice (more than 20 people) managed to tell me that I look like I'm ready to explode at any second.
• Anytime someone spills something in the office, they blame my water breaking.
• On the same day someone told me I was huge, another doc (not in our practice, but whom I work closely with) said, "Ohmygod ..you're pregnant!  I had no idea!" 
• I actually made it in and out of my NST in 35 minutes today with a reactive baby
• I got pulled over TWICE on the way home from work tonight.  
• I left work early yesterday and today because of contractions.  So when I started crying and told the cop(s) that I was contracting and got out of the ordeal without a ticket ...it was without lying.  I think they were afraid they might have to deliver me and promptly sent me on my way without a ticket.
• My OB took me off work AGAIN at my appointment today. 
• I've been having awful dizzy I'm going to pass out spells which I was telling her about during my exam.  I sat up when she was finished and promptly passed out on her table.  I believe in real life examples, I guess. Scared the living daylights out of her and the rest of the office.  I'm 99% sure the passing out and dizziness is because this breech baby keeps sticking his body parts into my aorta and/or inferior vena cava and blocks my blood supply.
• I promptly returned to work immediately after she told me no more working.  I did, however, agree to reduce my hours and promised to stop if I pass out again.
• Baby A2 is going to be a dinosaur for Halloween and couldn't be cuter or more excited about it.
• Baby A2 is going to Sesame Street Live tomorrow with my mom and I.  You might already know this because he has broadcast it to the world in general every 30 seconds since I told him about it yesterday.  I forgot how incredibly excited a 2 year old could be.  The tickets were $100 and I'm thinking we might actually even end up going twice in the same weekend.  Because seriously.  The kid is excited.
• The golden child,in all seriousness, asked me to buy her a "slutty" Halloween costume and described it as such.  Ummm.
• The irony of raising a toddler, a newborn, and a teenager all at the same time is still not lost on me.  Perhaps overwhelming.  But full of conflicting needs and fun.

And just like that ...it changed

So a week or two after that last post ....everything changed.  I don't know if there was some weird hormonal switch (my guess) or if I have some wonky pregnancy auto-immune craziness going on (what the overly intellectual internal med docs I spend my days with think) but I went back to feeling nomal.   No more crazy hatred towards Monk for unreasonable things and no more crazy emotional lability.  Coincidentally, my blood sugars also got way easier to manage.  Initially - they plummeted.  Plummeted to the point that I had several episodes of hypoglycemia and took myself completely off insulin and metformin.  Then they were normal for a couple of days without meds ...and then I slowly crept back to needing some insulin - but was also able to eat and stay in range.  Very much a relief.  Whatever the cause.  I did have some temporary freak outs when everything changed - it was very similar to what happened right before I went into labor with A2.  But here we are a couple of weeks later and he's still on the inside.

I'm back to twice weekly NSTs - which have only been dramatic twice so far.  On Friday, his heartrate was non-reactive for several hours.  He was active and moving a ton - but his heart rate wasn't accelerating as required.   While I was waiting for the OB to come and look at the strips and do a biophysical profile ultrasound, it occurred to me that this kid could potentially be taken out of me at any given NST appointment.  And ..holy cow I'm not ready.  No name.  No cord blood kit.  No diapers in the appropriate size.  No take me home outfit. 

You'd think the last 6 days I've had off from work would have given me some motivation to get that stuff done ...but it turns out ...umm  no.

Yikes.